by admin | May 11, 2019 | Uncategorized
As we celebrate Mother's Day it's a good time to consider our femininity. The history of celebrating mothers goes back to the ancient Greeks and Romans who held festivals to honour their mother goddesses. The modern precedent is the early Christian festival known as "Mothering Sunday."
This article invites you to reflect on mothers and mothering and as part of that reflection explore the feminine within each of us, regardless of gender.
Psychoanalyst Carl Jung proposed the idea of feminine/masculine archetypes. In Jungian theory, women have a contra sexuality that's masculine in nature, which he called the animus and men have a contra sexuality that is feminine in nature, which he called the anima. In Jung's theory the anima and animus relates to our Soul or inner life as the divine energy force that animates us.
Part of the angst of being female in our modern culture is the eternal paradox: the nature of the Yin (female) is to yield, while the nature of the Yang (male) is to dominate. As modern woman has worked to develop her inner masculine in order to be successful in the paid work world, she is at risk of losing her subjectivity and the guidance of her Soul/Essence. It can be alluring to give ourselves over to the dynamic and loud masculine energy when it's so prominent around us. (Source: I Sit Listening to the Wind by Judith Duerk).
The masculine dominance and drive for power by many current world leaders represses feminine energy. It reduces freedom and undermines opportunities for peaceful outcomes. This has become alarming to many of us, both men and women.
The world needs strong Feminine energy. We need voices to reinforce the virtues that are essential if we are to live in peace with one another: compassion, tolerance, faithfulness, honesty, respect, and service. Our culture desperately needs the vision and courage of Feminine energy to counter the twisted way in which our societies are heading.
As a mother of sons and a grandmother of granddaughters and grandsons, I bear witness to the fact that feminine energy exists within each of us regardless of gender or gender identity. And I believe we need an infusion of that Feminine everywhere.
This Mother's Day how will you embrace your Feminine and be counted as a force for good!
I'd love to hear from you,
Kathleen
by admin | Mar 11, 2019 | Uncategorized
“Underneath our fears and worries, unaffected by the many layers of our conditioning and actions, is a peaceful core…. Healing is the rediscovery of who we are and who we have always been.” ….. Joan Borysenko
“A woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing. She goes where she will without pretense and arrives at her destination prepared to be herself and only herself.” ….. Maya Anjelo
“Walk away from ‘friendships’ that make you feel small and insecure and seek out people who inspire and support you.” ….. Michelle Obama
“Never allow a person to tell you no, who doesn’t have the power to say yes.” ….. Eleanor Roosevelt
“The final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.” ….. Anne Frank
“Each person must live their life as a model for others.” ….. Ayn Rand
“You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.” ….. Mother Theresa
“The world needs strong women. Women who will lift and build others, who will love and be loved. Women who live bravely, both tender and fierce. Women of indomitable will.” ….. Amy Tenney
“There is no greater threat to the critics, cynics and fearmongers than a woman who is willing to fall because she has learned how to rise.” ….. Brené Brown
“The Four Rules of Life:1. Show up. 2.Pay attention. 3.Tell the truth. 4. Don’t be upset at the results.” ….. Joan Borysenko
Women are the real architects of society.” ….. Harriet Beecher Stowe
“Women are always at the front of revolutions.” ….. Buthayna Kamel
“Women, if the soul of the nation is to be saved, I believe that you must become its soul.” ….. Coretta Scott King
“Women are the largest untapped reservoir of talent in the world.” ….. Hillary Clinton
“Whatever you fear the most has no power – it is your fear that has the power.” ….. Oprah Winfrey
“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to learn them all yourself.” ….. Eleanor Roosevelt
“A woman’s best protection is money of her own.” ….. Clare Booth Luce
“I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.” ….. Louisa May Alcott
“People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Never throw out anyone.” ….. Audrey Hepburn
“Because of their age-long training in human relations – for that is what feminine intuition really is – women have a special contribution to make to any group enterprise.” ….. Margaret Mead
“I had no idea history was being made. I was just tired of giving up.” ….. Rosa Parks
by admin | Feb 18, 2019 | Uncategorized
We hear a lot about the importance of good self-care as an aid for mitigating stress and enhancing well-being. While we may yearn to improve our self-care, realistically we know that just as it's hard to give up a habit, it's also hard to develop new ones.
Smart Self Care requires consistent, intentional practice to become habitual and it's totally worth it!
Take a look at these six Life Dimensions enriched through the Smart Self-Care practices suggested below.
1. Relational
Have nourishing, intimate relationships with family and/or friends. Enjoy comfortable and stimulating interaction with others on a regular basis. Have at least one person with whom I can share almost anything and a network from which I can access feedback, help, and support. Am able to accept feedback from others and stick up for myself when it's necessary and appropriate.
2. Emotional
The ability to personally feel and express a wide range of emotions and respond appropriately to the feelings of others. Make it a choice to be optimistic. Work on developing and maintaining confidence. Seek positive outcomes. Bouts of feeling blue or depressed seldom occur.
3. Physical
Along with a healthy, well-balanced diet, engage in vigorous exercise for a minimum of 30 minutes, three time a week or more. Maintain the ideal weight for my height and build. Do not smoke, Limit alcohol consumption to seven drinks or less per week. Enjoy adequate and restful sleep most nights.
4. Spiritual
Keep my Life Purpose, Principles, and Priorities clearly in mind as a guide for goal setting and decision making. Offer my time and possessions in service to others. Set aside 15-20 minutes daily for meditation, mindfulness practice or prayer. Am able to forgive myself and others.
5. Mental
Face up to problems and effectively cope with change. Do not worry about things I cannot change. Laugh often and frequently. Fit "play" and "fun" into my schedule. Maintain a realistic and positive self-image. Accept my limitations or inadequacies without embarrassment or apology.
6. Vocational
Ensure my work is congruent with my Essence (Heart/Soul) and provides a means for expressing my vocational priorities. Be in a healthy work environment (Physical, emotional, spiritual). Feel good about and celebrate my accomplishments. Maintain a workload that allows form time and energy in my other important life dimensions.
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I invite you to go through the Smart Self-Care suggestions in each Life Dimension. Perhaps you're already practicing each of the ideas or something similar. If not, are there any that you'd like to add as a consistent habit in your life?
A personal note: I started a daily 15-minute Yoga practice on July 1, 2017. Along with other stretches and poses, I can now do a forward bend with my hands on the floor (fingertips reached my ankles at first). The difference in my flexibility and general well-being feels great! My self-care change in 2018 was weight loss. I downloaded the Lose It! free app and using the BMI guide for an ideal weight goal I have 5 more to go. I'm not looking for "kudos" here just sharing what's possible at any age and stage of life. You can change personal habits too!
Take excellent care of yourself,
Kathleen
by admin | Jan 18, 2019 | Uncategorized
There are a myriad of obstacles that can block our path to feeling truly satisfied with our lives. Occupational choices that no longer fit, untenable relationships, painful work-life contexts, to name a few. Tolerating those impediments, coupled with not being true to ourselves, is a path to distress and unhappiness.
I believe a way to higher levels of contentment can begin with changing how we are doing and being in our daily lives so that decisions and choices consistently fit with who we are at our core. To allow this to happen, we must learn how to become more Essence driven, regardless of what others may think, which is typically the case if we are predominantly Ego driven.
Recognizing the difference between the call of our Essence and the voice of our Ego can be perplexing, however that awareness can also be life giving.
What's meant by the term essence? A definition: "intrinsic, fundamental nature or most important quality (of something); essential being." The terms Essence and Soul are typically used interchangeably.
The ego is the seat of intelligence and rationality within our consciousness. It is the part of us that is in contact with the external world. The healthy functions of ego include recognizing what's taking place outside of ourselves, setting boundaries, differentiating and developing self-esteem and self-worth. Developing a healthy ego from early childhood is a prerequisite for producing a psychologically mature adult.
The person whose ego is underdeveloped or fragile often finds it hard to cope with life. An inflated or overdeveloped ego can also be an impediment. Either extreme can hinder wise choices and good decisions.
The healthy functions of ego are more likely to emerge with Essence (Soul) as our guide. An Essence Guided Career Model is depicted above with exercises, techniques and a process designed to support and sustain meaningful work and high levels of life satisfaction.
The terms listed in the red circle: Life Purpose, Character Strengths, Philosophy, Principles, Values connect the person to her Essence. The outside circles contain factors that need pondering, awareness and insight in order to inform wise choices. Completing the whole process acts as a guide for making viable education, training and occupational decisions at any point in one's career-life journey.
What changes inn your career might you need to make for Essence to be your guide? I'd love to hear from you.
Take good care of yourself,
Kathleen
by admin | Jan 18, 2019 | Uncategorized
The concept of mentoring has been relevant for thousands of years. A mentor is usually someone older and more experienced than the mentee, willing to share knowledge and experience, provide advice and wisdom based on specific expertise. A mentor is someone who may help you with your career, specific work projects, or provide general career-life advice. A mentor rarely provides guidance for personal gain.
Most mentors exhibit the following qualities and skills:
- a non-judgmental attitude
- an ability to teach
- affirmative support of the mentee's potential
- a naturally hopeful and optimistic attitude
- acute self-awareness
- an outstanding communicator
- a role model for continuous learning
Mentoring consists of a long-term relationship focused on supporting the growth and development of the mentee. The woman who has a mentor in her professional life is very fortunate, however many women lack this advantage. Research on the topic suggests that's due in part to the fact that women are under represented in the C-Suite.
The lack of female leadership and mentorship is disheartening, since women rate mentorship as a very important contributor to advancing their careers. Without that trusted advisor, guide or teacher, women often struggle in isolation as they face important career-life decisions.
Being a mentor is a serious undertaking, as it requires a significant investment of time and energy. A good mentor is someone highly committed to helping another find success and gratification in her life, someone who believes she can make a positive impact on the mentee's life.
Mentoring requires commitment and effort from both parties with the results often life changing. Consider approaching someone to mentor you.
Reflection/Discussion:
1. Can you name a person who has had an enduring, positive impact on you? Someone you would refer to as a mentor?
2. What qualities, skills and abilities would you want your mentor to demonstrate?
3. What are your thoughts and feelings about mentoring someone else?
"It's never too late to find a mentor and it's never too late to become one."
Barbara Quick, Author: Under Her Wing: The Mentors Who Changed Our Lives
by admin | Jan 18, 2019 | Uncategorized
Bullying is a form of physical, psychological or verbal abuse. It involves one person or a group of persons picking on another individual or group of individuals. The bully is perceived as having more power over the person or group being bullied.
Physical bullying can include hitting, shoving, tripping, even sexual assault. Psychological bullying may include controlling the other through intimidation, ganging up, exclusion, gossiping or undermining a person's position or competencies.
Verbal bullying can include taunting, mocking, name calling, humiliating, inappropriate jokes, making negative comments, threatening or sending malicious e-mails or posting insults on social media. The latter is referred to as cyber bulling which can be much more intense and damaging psychologically, as it is very difficult to manage.
People who bully others may be covering up feelings of inadequacy or it may be a learned behaviour from a family where violent behaviour was acceptable.
Some adults may think bullying amongst children is just part of growing up and that it's a way for kids to learn to stand up for themselves. This is faulty thinking. Children who learn that they can get away with aggressive behaviour carry that belief into adulthood with a higher chance of being aggressive in relationships. Hence a bully may be your sibling, your partner, your supervisor or colleague.
Being bullied can have long-term physical and psychological consequences. Physical symptoms like headaches or stomach pain are common. And mental health issues like anxiety, depression, or panic attacks can occur from being bullied.
In my practice as a therapist and coach, I am shocked by the number of people whose ability to function at work has been significantly impaired as a result of bullying. Individuals with notable achievement records quite quickly can experience an erosion of confidence and diminished work performance as a result of bullying.
What's particularly perplexing is the inaction of senior leadership within organizations to address what appears to be a growing problem. Since research on leadership characteristics indicates that a bullying style is typically associated with an executive's failure, we are left with a conundrum.
Questions for Reflection/Discussion:
What is your experience of bullying?
What are you teaching or have already taught, your children about bullies and bullying?
Do you know where to get help if you are being bullied in your workplace or home?
Send me your comments. It's always great to hear from you.
And remember to take good care of yourself,
Kathleen
