by Kathleen Johnston | Jan 1, 2025 | Uncategorized
A New Year’s resolution is typically a commitment to oneself for the year ahead – perhaps to accomplish a project, change a habit, or make a lifestyle transformation. Some people love to make resolutions; others rarely or never do. It’s also fair to say that a lot of people who make resolutions do not follow through.
It’s not easy to maintain commitments to oneself simply because we make them in January. The same forces that contribute to the difficulty of implementing life changes are at play in January just as they are the rest of year.
The tradition of the New Year’s Resolutions goes back to 153 B.C. The Romans named the first month of the year after Janus, the god of beginnings and the guardian of doors and entrances. Janus was always shown with two faces, one on the front of his head and one on the back. At midnight on December 31, the Romans imagined Janus looking back at the old year and forward to the new. Janus became the ancient symbol for resolutions.
Much of our behaviour as humans is habitual. Implementing personal change often begins with confronting an ingrained habit and making a commitment. To counter habits that have literally been burned into our brain’s neural pathways we must commit to learning new behaviour. This takes intention, perseverance, time and support.
Like many people in my age category, I started smoking when I left home at age 18. It was not the unhealthy, disgusting habit it’s seen as today, but I was sure relieved to get rid of it. My husband is not and was never a smoker, so the pressure was high. I tried quitting several times and finally succeeded when I was 36.
During a discussion on personal motivation for change, one client said recently. “I need to lose some weight. I know that. So, when I’m feeling stressed from work, what is it that compels me to go home and bake and eat a batch of cinnamon buns? I’m an intelligent woman! Why would I do that?
There’s no simple answer to that question. However, rest assured that a critical element for success is support. It is much easier to implement change when we have encouragement from others.
Whatever changes you plan for 2025 be sure to begin with a serious commitment plan and garnering the support you need.
My very best wishes to you for an exceptional year ahead.
Blessings,
Kathleen
by Kathleen Johnston | Feb 4, 2024 | Uncategorized
It is January! A great time for reflection, setting intentions and planning choices for living well. I have decided that the question posed as the title for this article will guide my daily living in 2024.
I absolutely love to read. One of my habits is to make notes when I discover things I want to remember or be able to review. A drawback to that habit is that I don’t always reference the source and so often I cannot say where I read it. Oh, the frailty of being a human.
The content of this article consists of information I have found to be helpful and and so have written it in my journals. Some are sourced, most are not.
Here are a few of my notes and quotes about living well:
·Begin with the attitude that your choices matter. Thus, we can either grow or become diminished by what we do or do not do.
·It is not just what happens to me that shapes who I am, but what happens inside me that makes the difference – what I feel and how I react inwardly and outwardly determines who I become, far more so than the degree of adversity I encounter.
·An intention is a seed that creates behaviour. Be mindful of your Intentions for they are mostly unconscious. Only a fully awake heart understands our intentions.
·“While achieving goals can bring temporary satisfaction, it can never replace the need to know the meaning found in experiencing what we are.” (The Call by Oriah Mountain Dreamer).
· Ego: who we are. Essence: what we are. Life without essence awareness lacks meaning and connection. Life without ego awareness lacks fire and direction. (The Call by Oriah Mountain Dreamer).
· How much of the story you have created about yourself do you mistake for who and what you really are? This question came from a course I took this past spring. The lecturer asked all attendees to take time each day over the week between his classes to do this exercise:
Take a blank sheet of paper and write at the top: Who Am I, REALLY? And then free flow your responses. It was worth the time.
·“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.” ― Lao Tzu
Warm wishes and blessings as you make the best possible choices for yourself in 2024.
Love, Kathleen
by Kathleen Johnston | Sep 21, 2023 | Uncategorized
Being authentic requires self-awareness, self-acceptance, and intentional behaviour.
Authentic people have the courage to consistently present their Higher Self in all relationships. People who are authentic are clear about the philosophy and principles that guide their lives. They treat themselves and others with respect. They demonstrate their character and what they believe in by what they say, what they do and what they “say they do.” Our current culture is strongly influenced by social media’s definition of what matters most rather than by the virtues that define a person’s good character.
In today’s world, success tends to be measured externally e.g. by salary, status, achievements, position, power, or number of social media followers, rather than by whether or not someone is of good character. A common question asked of children “What are you going to be when you grow up?” might suggest there’s a natural fit between the true self and the kind of work that is chosen when one grows up.
However, that assumption fails to consider how quickly the obsessive nature of “doing” in our paid work roles can undermine and distract us from the yearnings of our real being, The outcome of a strong focus on doing rather than being keeps us tied to the drives of our ego.
On the other hand, living authentically true to oneself can provide the depth we need to go beyond what we do for a living, the titles we have, the possessions we own, or how much money we earn. I believe that living from the strength of authenticity provides one with a distinct career advantage because it contributes to trust building in all relationships.
In his book The Speed of Trust Stephen M.R. Covey encourages his readers to be sure to build a high trust account in their lives, for there is nothing more important in every relationship. Our authentic self is who we are at our deepest core. It is our connection to Source, and it is the true path to career wellbeing, contentment, and joy.
Questions for Reflection:
1. Describe your fundamental nature, e.g. what is at the core of your character?
2. Who are the authentic people in your life and what do you admire most about them?
3. What are some things you have changed or would like to change in your life, for you to live more authentically?
Love and Blessings,
Kathleen
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“If you do not tell the truth about yourself, you cannot tell the truth about other people.” Virginia Woolf
by Kathleen Johnston | Mar 9, 2023 | Uncategorized
International Women’s Day typically provides us with an opportunity to reflect on the challenges faced by women.
Whether the role is mothering, caregiving, paid professional work or a combination thereof, prioritizing the competing demands women contend with can feel relentless. One woman described it as “hurtling through life as if it were an out-of-body experience.”
This article will not cite all the ways in which women’s lived experience has not changed much over history, never mind in the past 50 years. There were very distinct role norms for female and male staff in the 1960’s when I worked as a secretary. My sons just laugh at my stories and say “Ah, come on Mom, things weren’t that bad!” While that may be true in part, real progress since has been painfully slow.
In my current role as a career counselling therapist and executive coach here are some realities from my client’s experience this past couple of years:
- A double standard still exists regarding behaviour. For example, when bullying is disguised as humour and women are expected to put up with it or told they “just need to learn to take a joke.”
- Although fully competent, a woman is not promoted over and over, and in some cases a less than competent male becomes her supervisor with the expectation that she will “train” him.
- Women continuing to be accused of being too emotional or strident when providing feedback as a manager/leader vs men whose feedback to direct reports is seen as “strong,” “sensible,” or “calm.”
- The continuing existence of the Queen Bee syndrome which is defined as a woman in a position of authority in a male-dominated environment who treats subordinates more critically if they are female.
So, what is to be done you ask? First, women must consistently build and maintain a strong professional support network of both men and women. It is critical that women have sponsors and mentors.
And women must speak up about what we will and will not tolerate and do that judiciously. We must stop putting up with the bullets listed above, and with other unacceptable realities that I have failed to list here in the interest of space.
And when that becomes impossible and your heart aches from the unfairness of it all, then you must take action to move on to a place where you truly belong; where your strengths and competencies are appreciated and recognized.
I close with this little poem that I hope will touch your spirit and move you to action.
Women’s Progress from the Heart
Open your heart and let your special dreams come true,
For the time has come for you to know what you are here to do.
Your gifts are there inside you, and the world awaits to see,
What the angels always knew you were really meant to be.
It may have been a while that you have wandered and felt lost,
But you can recover from the sadness and its cost.
Deep within your heart lie the secrets of your soul,
You must let them surface with delight and shine for all to know.
by Kathleen Johnston | Jan 20, 2023 | Uncategorized
I am not one for declaring new year’s resolutions, however, I find January can be a good time for reflecting and reconnecting with oneself.
During adolescence and early in our adult lives many people struggle with understanding who they are. Then as we move through various life stages, we revisit ourselves to find new ways of being comfortable in our own skin.
Having a strong sense of self helps us navigate life’s challenges. And goodness knows experiencing the ravages of Covid for more than two years now has left many of us standing at an existential doorway saying “who am I now? and “what’s next for me?
This article invites you to consider things about yourself you may wish to adjust in 2023 to increase your self-contentment by asking for example:
- How accurate is my current self-perception?
- What do I know about how others perceive me?
- How aware am I about how my behaviour influences the people important to me?
- What are my cognitive biases? My blind spots?
Self-perception is the “idea you hold about the kind of person you are.” Psychological research tells us that our self-perceptions are often quite different from the way others perceive us. In fact, we often rate ourselves more favourably than others do.
Here is an effective way to explore how others perceive you:
This exercise was developed by Dr. Stephen Covey. I like to refer to it as an informal 360. As a manager, I used it to gather information for performance reviews with my direct reports. I polled their direct reports, work colleagues and senior leadership. The results gave me rich data which I then carefully selected for meaningful feedback. I have also suggested it as a tool for clients who are making a career transition. It can build personal confidence and ease the process of being interviewed.
The exercise starts with you identifying 8 to 10 people with whom you have been in a relationship for a lengthy time and who know you really well. They must also be people that you deeply respect and trust. Do not include anyone who does not meet this criterion.
You can do this in a written format including via e-mail or you can call and invite them to participate. Your participants can be colleagues, friends, or relatives (be careful about family) who you believe know you well. Explain that you are commencing 2023 by doing a personal research project, and you are inviting them to briefly answer this question:
In our relationship, what would you like me to:
- Continue doing?
- Start doing?
- Stop doing?
In addition to strengthening your sense of self, you can use your results to clarify your personal and professional brand. The key is to be extremely judicious in selecting your participants, not to sway your results, but rather to receive accurate and honest feedback about how others perceive you.
Review the feedback you receive and identify what’s meaningful for you to heed in the year ahead.
In closing I want to share a suggestion by Dr. Rick Hanson, Psychologist and Neuroplasticity Specialist who encourages each of us to become aware of the “one thing you do in your relationships that’s a game changer.”
Blessings to you and your loved ones in 2023!
Kathleen
P.S. I’d love to hear about your “game changer.”
